When ends just couldn't meet

I'm into a big trouble. While typing all these letters out my stomach calls out for food. Nowadays i don't have enough money. Can't blame anyone, it's me who spend too much. What a spend thrift i was!!! Ohh, well, it means i have to bear the consequences- a meal a day. I'm only left with RM30 and it supposed to last until next week Wednesday. Haiz...

I'm such a money spender. Sometimes hate myself for spendiing so much. Guess after this, i should control myself and eat 2 meals instead of 3.

Well, that was least of my problems. I got problem with him too. He wanted to spend some time with me at night and i say no to him. I guess it's the right desicion since i can't afford to waste my energy so much as i'll get hungry easily. So, tonight, i'll stay in room, probably go and make milo or cook the expired Maggi.

When i'm with him, i keep thinking about the msn message. I still can't forget it. How could i forget those cruel words? Have to cheer up infront of him when i'm not happy at all is hard. He hated me to be sad. I did try hard not to up to a point i really believe that not meeting him is the best way. When i'm with him, he'll surely ask me to eat. The question is, How to eat when you don't even have enough money to go through for another week.

As for our relationship... i don't know, i'm really lost. I love him but there's just something wrong. Maybe it's because of his insensitiveness or probably because he wouldn't want to make me his girlfriend. Anyhow, i couldn't blame him for it. How could he understands me when i don't even tell him about me? How could he make me my girl when his future is at stakes? Moreover, i myself tell him not to make me one. It's the best way for him, for his ever-so-high petsisters, for his mom, for me... Especially for me. Why make more problem for myself when i already have tonnes of it.

Still feeling hungry. Maybe i'll sleep then make milo. Later.